Bakkebaardkoning (Sideburn King in English), commonly referred to as “The King”, is an old legend, described in the holy book named “The Chronicles of KJF“. This book, currently possessed by lord Bluemin, informed us that he has the ability to slam people to death with his massive Sideburns.


Ever since he was a little boy (baby), he had these massive Sideburns that no one could understand. The hairs of it could move inside or outside of his skin, which gifted him the ability to hide them. The length of his hairs kept growing inside of his skin though. Slowly but surely, he was forced to let them get out. After this took place, it did not take long before he made his first victim. It was a Chinese kid. The King accidentally crushed him while walking by. Bakkebaardkoning felt powerful when it happened, but he also understood the power he controlled at the time would soon become uncontrollable. Nonetheless, it felt so good. He crushed many more people and created bloodbath after bloodbath.

That was until he was saved by our lord and saviour Bluemin. Bluemin’s holy powers convinced him to shave his Sideburns and fight for good. His Sideburns were not willing to let themselves get shaved though. Instead of shaving one of his Sideburns as he intended, he accidentally shaved off his moustache and Bluemin’s Turkish haircut. This made The King very sad and launched him into an antisocial depression, which made him kill even more people.

This was until he, at some time during his depression, came into contact with a magical purple suit. When moving closer towards the suit, his hairs would pull back into his skin. His Sideburns were not expecting such power, but they couldn’t do a thing. When he stepped into the suit, the suit would instantly cover up both of his Sideburns. The power would then be transferred into his whole body. This did not only make him stronger, this also made him more intelligent.

Now he uses his powers to defend the Byzantines against the savage T0rks. He also uses his mind to hack into Facebook accounts of little girls to fap to their pictures.