The Holy Blue Inquisition
Origins
Formally the inquisition was started by terminator looking- ass Primarch Kostas who tagged Sjongar in a terrible image of pure chaotic memetic energy. So great were the shitty powers coming from the picture that even the greatest warrior’s Blue Weapons could not close the rift to the netherworld caused by the power of the pure uncontrolled Down syndrome. The entire blue guard fired their memes and BOOS reacts, but it was not enough. The Demons of the Minecraft Realm poured forth, firing their Notched Arrows which turned every guard they hit into blocks of Dirt. The armly of minecraft youtubers was led by two of the most shit mememaking archdemons. At last they saw what had caused this terrible rift. A dark corruption of the Holy Bible, containing Dark Runes engraved by Demonic Imams. The 2 demons pushed forth the bible and a jolt of pure Downs sparked out towards the Primarchs and Blue guard. Sjongar held up his hands, in a final prayer to the Blue god, but as the wave was about to hit them, a golden being descended his Blue cloak dapperly blowing in the wind. He stepped off his flying Dinokoek covered in chocola whilst blocking the retard wave with one hand. In his other it was the Great Banhammer, the Warhammer was sparking with blue memetic energy, zapping and crackling at the moisture in the air (because of all the wet panties). The Blue God lifted his hand and bound the demons. He said boomingly: “ lmao bind these demons you bdsm fags, burn them like those jews for that is the only way. ”
He gathered his two most religious zealot primarchs and ordered them to place the demons and their demonic minecraft bible books on the stake. This short interaction with the Orthodox faith left a deep impact of the Blue Cult, seeing the pyre burning, and the stolen meme-energy radiating from the burning of these transgressions. Sjongar breathed in the energy of memes, whiffing it like a drug addict smoking crack. This gave him visions of entire systems worshipping Bluemin. This mighty vision and the pancakemix he ate to recover along with that one episode of Samson and Gert where the bell didn’t work (only dutch speakers will get it). He realised he had to mount an inquisition against everything Bluemin dislikes, which is a lot of not-dank shit… ESPECIALLY FUCKING HERETICS THE INQUISITORIAL CAMPAIGNS
THE AGE OF FAGPOSTESY
Sjongar created the inquisitorial seal, and pointed out to the Turkish Pretender that Bluemin was the only emperor. However Özgür demanded trial by combat, Sjongar however does not do trial by combat and showed him the scripture.
ANTONIS HERESY
The dangers of Minecraft-youtubers was shown as some of the downenergy had hit Antonis. He started acting like a total fucking retard. He attacked bluemin in a fit of total autistic rage, screeching the stupidest shit the blue guard had ever heard. However before the Inquisition could interfere, Bluemin lifted the Banhammer, and brought it down on Antonis. The Retard spoke his final salty comment before being deleted from the material universe. The chromosomes were finally balanced again.
PURGING OF SHITLORDIA
After this Sjongar boarded his flagship, “The Blueminitas Lex” and made headway to the Venetian system. This highly aggressive race of ugly, treacherous fishpeople fired their Dandalobeams. But Sjongar’s ship was upgraded with Theodosian shields. He rained hot sticky righteousness on these heretics. They fled in their slimy holes as the Blue Bearers fired their memebolters and autotriggers. They mowed down the venetians like American prisoners in the Bulge. However the fishes gathered their strength and called in the Ottomans, demons from the netherrealm, by using the unholy chants of The Book of Mehmeduin, and shit memes. They rode brown dragons, their numbers coloured the sky a shitty brown, their giant wings shaped like crescent moons. Their shouts being like the snorting of wild autistic pigs with one too many chromosomes (so it sounded like Arabic tbh). The Blue Bearers and cultists were mowed down, hit in their kerkoporta with jolts of retarded weaponry. Some were hit by the psychic powers of the Downs Priests. Turning the dead into shambling things the demons called Janissaries, dark zombified traitors with no memetic potential whatsoever. Made only to destroy and say stupid shit online, like all the fucks who got banned. Sjongar let out a tear as he tapped into his Memetic Psychic potential. Conjuring a Blue Flame from the Darkest Dankest corners of the meme dimension. The Janissaries burned away, leaving only empty ashes. Their memes were lost, their tastyass soulbooty eaten by Mehmeduin. In their honour Sjongar took his mighty “stofzuiger” he wielded it in two hands sucking up all the inquisition dust infusing it with the waffle mix he had made. And baked the finest waffles you could imagine. Mehmeduin, the great demonic dragon stole one of the waffles, this further angered Sjongar and he took his anti-turk Lance the tip covered in Orthodox Blessed bacon. The Lance hit Mehmeduin but the Demonic Dragon flew back into the Dimension of Pure Salt. Sjongar could not follow him there, the pure anti-funny powers would surely be the end of him. However the Space-Venetians were easily defeated after they lost the power of the demon. Sjongar’s mace of memetic powers slew a great many of the disgusting fishpeople, the concentrated sodium in their blood leaving trails of dried salt on his blue mace. However as a last ditch effort the Venetians unleashed a Doge. A monster of pure chaos and shilordness, its red eyes shot lasers that could burn through even the strongest lamellar armour. Sjongar grabbed his cabbage and with a well timed throw, threw it straight in the mouth of the doge. He swallowed the Cabbage and started to acknowledge that the Byzantines were really awesome and started actually being funny. But its frail body could not hold the power of true Byzantine cabbage and he exploded. The Blue Bearers fed on his flesh, which tasted like fish and was really good with the cabbage.
